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This is an exciting time.

Prom is tomorrow! Today was the last real day of school.

And it looks like I officially have to add "write Valedictorian speech" to my to-do list.

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Six more weeks and I'm out of the Aggie. I can't wait, but I constantly remind myself that I need to make a decision of where I'll be spending the next four years. It's a nagging reminder, but it's something I need to do. I keep talking to people about college because I'm trying to sort everything out.

Yeah, so, I broke down today in Watson's class, but oh well. It happens. I've never been too good at hiding my emotions. They just tend to come out. Watson was telling us about how she put down her dog and Cookie's very sick and so yeah, I don't know what's going to happen. We may have to put her down if she doesn't improve. She's hurting all over, everyday. She's throwing up. She isn't sleeping. She hasn't been eating. Her blood counts are off. Her kidney is crap. The medication she's currently on has bad long term effects. She hates taking the medication. She can't enjoy playing with her toys because of the ulcers in her mouth. It must hurt to pee because of the ulcers throughout her body. The medication makes her pee more than usual. She's had diarrhea. She's been dehydrated. We've taken her to the vets for IVs more than five times by now. She'll just sit there, looking up at me, like "help me, please?" but there's nothing I can do but hug her and hope it will be OK. It's been a rollercoaster the past few weeks. There have been good days, and bad days with good moments, but it's horrible to watch her deteriorate in extreme pain, especially when she's only five years old.

haha... I cry a lot. I'll be OK. I just hope my dog will, too.

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Somewhat surprisingly, I was accepted to Cornell. So yeah, I can officially say I was accepted to all the colleges that I applied to, which is nice. Unfortunately, I have to make a decision soon.

But anyway, enough about college....
Andrea and I went prom dress shopping and we both found dresses we liked! :) I did not expect either of us, let alone both of us to find nice and well-fitting prom dresses. Andrea's is super pretty. It's light blue underneath, with see-through brown on top. It's got jewels along the neckline. I wish I had a picture, because a description will not do it justice.

The dress I ended up buying was something I tried on as a joke, because it's strapless and poofy and extremely typical "prom-y" style but I actually really liked it after seeing it on, haha. I'll post a couple pictures.

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Why do some teachers feel the need to pile on homework at the end of senior year? Gosh. Dufault is killing me with these Walden assignments. I've been spending 3+ hours for 25 test points outlining a book that preaches against wasting our valuable time on pointless tasks? WTF. Plus, I still need to make up that Hermin Melville test for his class and to do so, I need to get to school by 7:20 am tomorrow. Ugh. I am also confused about the physics and spent a couple hours doing my homework for that class. So yeah, those are my complaints for the week. I can't wait until graduation. I hate myself for still caring about my grades. At this point, it really shouldn't matter.

Cookie has been really, really sick. Sick enough to make the vets cry. :( She's improving, thankfully. She's on medication that is helping her now, but in the long run, it will ruin her. However, when we lowered the medication slightly, she went wayyy downhill again. Without the medication, she would die. So, I guess it's better to keep her on something that may or may not damage her in the long run than have instant death, as long as she isn't in pain. I've been crying all over Andrew about this for a couple weeks. He's such a good boyfriend to put up with me and all my sadness, haha.

There's a lot going on for me right now. Cow show practices. College decisions. (AH, what to do about that?! I need to make a decision soon and I'm so fickle.) Tutoring twice a week at NCAS. Soon, I'll also be working at Suzie's floral shop for coop.

And before I know it, it will be April vacation, the day of cow show, prom, and graduation. Then summer comes, and I'll probably work at Stony Brook's camp.

Oh, and next Monday, I can find out if I got into Cornell. I really have no clue whether I'll get in, wait listed, or rejected.

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I was a little bummed earlier because I did not get the Henry David Thoreau Foundation Scholarship. It's for Massachusetts residents who plan on majoring in environmental science. The foundation even sent me a letter asking me to apply, and a reminder to send my application in on time. Oh well. I guess I should have known that I wouldn't get it, but I thought I had a chance, considering I am number one in my class, did well on the SATs, taken environmental classes, and volunteered for the Mass Audubon for over 100 hours. However, looking back now, I've realized they've never had a vocational school student win, and almost all of the winners go to ivy leagues. So I guess I don't fit their typically, perfect, rich student profile.

On the other hand, I was happily surprised to get a letter from Clark University. Apparently I got their largest science scholarship, the Traina Scholarship, which totals $72,000, as long as I keep my GPA at 3.0 or higher. It includes a $3,000 research stipend between junior and senior year. The opportunities at Clark for research and traveling really impressed me.

Soo speaking of this whole college deal, I need to pick one, and soon. I'd say my choices are between:

Clark University
Eastern Nazarene College
University of New Hampshire
University of Massachusetts, Amherst

I'm fairly sure I won't be going to UVM or Roger Williams, because I'm just not interested. SUNY-ESF does not offer anything besides environmental majors, and I think I'd like to keep my options open. But who knows. My mind changes quickly.

I'm going to go calculate college costs. To avoid reading Melville's Bartleby, hahaha. I already cleaned my entire room in an attempt to make myself feel good about procrastinating about homework.

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I need to make a decision about college. I got into every school I applied to so far. I'm waiting to hear back from Cornell.

So here are my options:
Eastern Nazarene College
University of New Hampshire
University of Massachusetts, Amherst
SUNY College of Environmental Science and Forestry
Roger Williams University
University of Vermont
Clark University

There are many things I need to figure out and debate. So, I'm just rambling with some questions in the next few weeks that I will be asking myself many times.

Do I want to be close to home? Far away? Somewhere in between?
Do I want to study environmental science, animal science, diary science, or leave my options open all around? Will I surprise myself and change my mind completely about my major?
Do I want to save money? More importantly, do I NEED to save money?
Would I be retarded to pass up full tuition for a state university that offers more? Will I even get full tuition at ENC?
Do I need to be in small classes where I can develop good relationships with my professors? And should I go to a small school where teachers actually care, where it would work out much better if I became really ill again, like when I had mono and parvo?
Do I want to go onto veterinary school or medical school or possibly some different grad school?
Do I want to go to a lesser known college where I can be top in the class, or go somewhere where with a supposed "good name" where I might struggle more?
What is important? Can I stand some of the negatives of some schools?
Do I want to go a religious school?
Do I want to avoid schools with huge class sizes and the reputation of a party school? Would I really rather be somewhere that is restrictive, though?
Can I stand really cold winters?

Is it better for me to be next door to Andrew at ENC or should I travel far away to follow my dreams that could change overnight? I want him to make his college choice independent of me, as much as I would love us both to attend ENC together; we will major in different subjects anyway and he'll be commuting and I'll live on campus, and we'll probably both be working, so we might not even have too much time for each other no matter where we end up. He should do what is best for him, which is probably Bridgewater? I don't know.

Ok. I really need to stop my madness and do my homework and sleep and talk to Andrew because he always makes me happy, even when I'm a jerk to him. :)

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So, I sat down, busted out a 300 word essay, and applied to Cornell. It wasn't the absolutely perfect, quirky essay that they are probably looking for, so my chances of getting in are slim to none. The acceptance rate of their College of Agriculture and Life Sciences is only about 20% anyway. So, who knows. I'm glad I'm already into a few colleges I like, so getting into or not getting into another one doesn't really matter.

I hope everyone is having a good Christmas Eve, whether or not you celebrate.

Now that I'm done applying to colleges (expect an interview for Clark), it's time for me to go play pokemon and totally enjoy life again, haha.

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Should I apply the Cornell? This is what I've been asking myself lately. I need to write the essay ASAP, if I am going to apply. Andrew's so right about me sometimes.

Andrew (on the phone with me today): "If you don't get in you'll be all like (in a girlie "laura" voice) Oh, I'm so stupid because I didn't get a school I don't even really want to go to."

And it's true. and the way he said it was very funny, not mean or anything.

Lately, I've felt weirded out. I don't know where I'll be next year. I've gotten into UVM, UNH, SUNY Environmental, and Eastern Nazarene. I'm waiting to hear back from a few places. I need to interview for Clark. Ah, I hate all this stupid college stuff. I wish some place would just pick me and it would be all over. I hate decisions and big changes.

Also, more importantly, (but not really, lol) I feel weirded out by myself because I think I like green as much as I like blue. I know, it's trivial, but blue has ALWAYS been my absolute favorite color. So, liking green as much as I like blue makes me feel like I don't even know myself anymore, as crazy as it sounds.

But maybe I'm feeling this way because I feel crappy. My mom, Jay, and I are sick. woohoo.

Happy holidays/Merry Christmas, everyone.

I'm glad it's vacation.

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School frustrates me sometimes. And by school I mean certain teachers who don't teach or are jerks (or both) and certain pointless classes. Other than that and the science homework/lab I have barely started, things couldn't be better... Oh, and I wish Andrew was healthy. Because then I would have more of the partner science lab done, if I wasn't partner-less. So, either I do the lab by myself and Andrew gets the credit or Cav makes him also do the partner lab by himself. Either way, it stinks.

Indecisiveness is my biggest problem. Tomorrow is the regular deadline for December 1 SATs. I'm not retaking the SATs, but I don't know if I want to take the subject tests or not. Taking the subject tests would allow me to apply to places like Brown, Harvard, anything at Cornell outside of CALS, etc. But do I really need to add any more colleges to my list? I think eight is too many. I know I'd be happy at a place like ENC, Umass, Roger Williams, etc... so should I even bother trying to go for the more prestigious, more EXPENSIVE schools? I don't know. I guess the best thing to do would be to take the tests and decide later whether or not I'm applying anywhere else. The schools that I'm definitely applying to already have my SAT scores, so it's not like they'd even see my subject test scores if I bombed them, and if I utterly failed, I just wouldn't bother applying to those other schools. Ahhh. Too much to think about. I hate it. I don't like not knowing where I'll be next year. Almost subconsciously, I keep telling myself if I don't think about it, I'll make a college choice, haha, but I know that's not how it works.

Tomorrow is the NHS field trip! :) Then, after cross country practice, we're having a pizza party. I made a huge batch of "dirt" pudding. It took 30 seconds to remember how to spell batch.

Okay. So it's 11:31. I need to go to bed. And this entry wasn't a To-Do list! yay! I have enough papers ones right now anyway.

I feel as if I spend my whole life recycling to do lists.

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College applications are driving me nuts and stressing me out. I finished the common application today. My essay sucks, but it's too late to edit it now. I can't change ANYTHING on the common application now if and when I apply to Clark and Cornell later this year. Oh well.

I'm basically done applying to:
UVM (not going there anyway probably)
UMass Amherst, UNH, Roger Williams
SUNY-ESF and Eastern Nazarene

I need to call SUNY-ESF, though, because they sent a letter saying they didn't get my application, which I sent a week ago. Their website made me laugh. Their obviously having some technical difficulties, since it told me I need to submit everything by January 1900, haha.

I still need to interview at ENC. I'm staying there overnight November 29 and will be interviewed then, I hope.

As for Clark and Cornell, I'm undecided if I really want to apply there or not. Even if I applied and got into Cornell, I'm 89% sure I wouldn't go there.

The hardest part of this whole process will be picking where I actually want to go. I hate making decisions, especially ones will control 4+ years of my life and have a huge impact overall.